People's Court, Cell Phones and Dog Bites..

I just got finished watching People's Court. I LOVE that show and I love Judge Milian. I love it so much that I have toyed with idea of putting someone with bad credit on my cell phone bill so that I could sue them on National TV. Maybe I could entice my dog to bite someone and then refuse to pay any damages so that I could be the Defendant. In either case I can only hope that my opponent has very poor grammar and if she's a woman she has stuffed herself in something not only inappropriate (it is a court of law) but also two or three sizes too small. If it's a man chances are there will be some unidentifiable stain on his tie. I will say that I felt bad for the Defendant's inability to obtain said cell phone and Judge Milian will show me the errors of my ways by telling me some Cuban saying that her grandmother used to say and it will be in Spanish! If my worthy opponent has been the victim of my vicious dog I will explain that my dog was provoked and I think the Plaintiff has made up the entire scenario. I will, of course, be responsible for any and all hospital bills and possibly a small sum for pain and suffering but as for his "lost wages?" I don't think so buddy. You don't bring the proof, you can't be reimbursed.