My Novel, Thanksgiving, A Down Vest and Singstar

Well, I got the information from Kimmy (cousin and RN) regarding my main character's medical condition. The book is shaping up nicely but I think I will wait until after the New Year to begin. January is such a blah month and so I think it will be as good a time as any to start.

Since I am working on Thanksgiving Jim and the kids will go to Kimmy's. I will host what I am calling "Thanksgiving-The Sequel" the Saturday after. We will have friends and family here and will be set up with Rock Band, Guitar Hero and Sing Star. I, of course, will be singing. It's lots of fun since we have songs like "You Can't Touch This," "Baby Got Back," and "Ice, Ice Baby." I am looking forward to eating as much as I want and not feeling guilty since I can burn off so many calories singing and dancing. I have pretty sweet moves and while the kids laugh uncontrollably I think it is only to hide their jealousy as they, unfortunately, didn't seem to inherit that gene from me. My love of "Fame" has served me well and taught me much.

It has been quite cold here lately and since, when on 7-3, I have to walk about 5 blocks from the garage, I have been freezing. I hate coats. I know that some people love them and plan entire outfits around them, but I hate them. I can't drive in one because I feel so confined and constricted and so I decided I'm in the market for a down vest. It will keep the main part of my body warm while still allowing my arms to move freely. I also think I will be wearing lots of scarves this winter. Not the silk kind that I talked about when trying to hide my disfiguring scar but the winter kind. They come in all kinds of colors and in chenille which I love. That will be the new me, down vests and winter scarves. Everyone will see me coming and know instantly that it's me. Also, now that Tina got me my red purse, that part of my identity is about set. I will be switching into that one tomorrow.

I think tomorrow I will bake cookies. Not for the holidays but just for us. There is no point in fooling anyone by saying that I start my Christmas baking any earlier then December 20th. I don't know how some people do it. They start baking in November and I can't help but wonder "Who are these people and why can they bake so far in advance and not eat everything?" Chrsitmas will be here before we know it and then we will head into the bleakest month of the year, January. We will get through it though and I am looking forward to being warm in my new down vest!

Modeling, Jousting, Laundry And, Of Course, My Hair

While watching "A Knights Tale" last night I realized one of two things. First, it is a pretty good movie and second, I will never be able to joust. You see, not only has my recent surgery left me permanently scarred, I will be unable to participate in anything that would require my neck to snap back. Not a big deal you say? Well, let's think about it. I could have been the first female "actor" at "Medieval Knights" and during my time there been "spotted" by an agent and then become the most famous of all plus size models. As a result of my disfigurement and subsequent neck snapping restrictions that will never happen. You can see why this has had me preoccupied for most of the day.

Today Jim washed our bedding. I only mention it because he has reminded me of this completed chore no less than 10 times since I came home. "And I even did the duvet cover!" OK, I thank him for it but does he really think it is the first time any of this has been done? Generally when I do it I have to wrestle with him to get off the bed because he wraps himself in all of the covers to make an already pain in the ass job more difficult. I am thankful though so I shouldn't fuss.

The hair is done and all and all it is fine. As I predicted it did not turn out as I thought but that is my own delusional minds fault. Lesley said that when summer rolls around again I can go blonder. She said it is my hairs best interest to give it a break. I don't know why I should care about my hairs best interest because the Lord knows it doesn't care about mine!

The 3 H's: Hair, Holidays and Hunting...

Well, in less than 48 hours I will have my hair done and while I am trying not to get my hopes up that seems to be something I excel at. I am constantly being let down by my unreasonable expectations. Getting discovered at Universal Studios, having people clean my house (once a week doesn't cut it and if I have to do the "in between" stuff I might as well do it all the time), Rob Zombie's "Halloween" in 2007, you get the picture. Even my kids tell me to be more realistic. Anyway, as per usual I will go in to see Lesley (and this is not her fault) but I will come out not having the hair of my dreams. That's because, unlike in my mind, my hair is not as thick as I would like it to be, too sticky uppy in the wrong places and the list goes on. When I was young I was at an Orioles game and saw this woman whose hair I fell in love with. It was long and kind of wavy and her bangs feathered back (it was the 80's.) Anyway I went home and told my mother that's how I wanted my hair. She then reminded me that my hair was short, not curly and that lasty the lady probably had "different" hair than I (read: thicker, more luxurious and perfect.) Mom always told me that you have to get a cut that suits you and your hair type. Well, since mine is crap that doesn't leave me many options, does it? I will go into Lesley with a photo of Mariska Hargitay and after she stops laughing she will give me a cut that suits "me and my hair type." She will, at least, fix it up nice (in style that I am doomed to never be able to repeat) and for the rest of the day I will think that "This is the cut, I can do this," and then I'll wake up Friday morning and we will be back to square one. I can't stress enough that none of this has anything to do with Lesley's hairdressing expertise. She is wonderful to put up with me and even tells me I can't have my hair as blonde as I would like when it seems a bit damaged. If only she could find it in her heart to come to my house each day so that I'm presentable.

I went to do the weekly shopping today and was instantly reminded that the holidays are right around the corner. I was reminded because I practically fell into the baking supplies display as soon as I walked into the store. Apparently Thanksgiving and Christmas make people not only spend money they don't have but also give people an unstoppable urge to bake. I fell for it again and stocked up on baking supplies. I say again because even though I know I have about 4lbs of brown sugar the thought of running out is unthinkable. We may be out of toilet paper and the like but by God, we will not run out of brown sugar!

Jim is going hunting again in the morning and I sure hope he gets his deer. I call it "his" because he has been trying to get him for over a week now. He is bow hunting so has to be within a certain distance blah, blah, blah (I'm too busy thinking about my hair to pay attention) in order to shoot him and so they have been playing cat and mouse. If he doesn't get him I am afraid that, since the kids and I seem to know this deer, he will bring him home and we will have to keep him as a pet. Since we already have 1 dog, 5 cats, 2 rabbits, a guinea pig, a parrot, 2 bearded dragons, a few fish, a tortoise and too many snakes and geckos to count I fear there will be no money in the budget to feed him. Especially since the holidays are upon us and I must bake 24hrs a day.

Endless Weeks, Agents and Writer's Block

Is this week almost over? I feel as though it will never end. Some weeks are like that and it's a shame because the ones that make you feel that way are the one's that are nearly intolerable. When your having a good week (like vacation) time goes so quickly but when your crap it is as though the hands of time have stopped so that they can laugh at you and discuss you misery. "Look at her," they say to each other (because there are 3 of them hour, minute and second) "she feels terrible but has overtime to work this week and everyone is getting on her nerves. Slow down Second Hand I think she's getting a headache with 6hrs left to work." You can almost hear them laughing. To top it off the clocks at work are in military time and I'm always getting it confused and I end up thinking it's an hour later than it really is. It's enough to make you suicidal.

I have had a change of heart regarding my book. I have decided to take it in another direction but I'm not sure which direction. Writer's block and I'm barely out of the gate. It's been just that kind of week.

I am excited about the concept of having an agent. It's quite obvious that I will need one because once I get through this writer's block the words and ideas will flow freely and my book will not only be a best seller but I'm sure they will want to make it into a movie. You can see why an agent will be necessary. I will call my agent frequently and they will always put me right through to her. Yes, I think I will choose a woman because she will probably become a very close friend since we will have so many projects "in the works." She will probably be younger than me but a real go-getter. I will eventually be somewhat of a "big sister" to her and offer all kinds of advice. I will counsel her from the comfort of my bed (which is where I will do most of my writing.) She will have boyfriend problems at first but then she will find Mr. Right and get married. I will, of course, be asked to be the Maid of Honor but I will have to turn her down. "The Maid of Honor is a younger women's game." I will to tell her " Pick one of your younger friends and besides I have to meet with my Studio Rep that day about the movie so I will be unable to attend." She will understand and continue to look to me for guidance when she gets pregnant and especially after the baby is born. I will have to give great thought as to who I chose because, as you can see, she will become somewhat entangled in my life.

Amy Winehouse (again!), Books and The Car Radio..

Mallory pointed out that in the Us Weekly there was a photo of Cindy Crawford dressed as Amy Winehouse for Halloween. Now I don't feel so bad. It really turned into a win-win for me. For those that thought I was a Baltimore Hon, great. And for those who thought I was Amy Winehouse, they probably also thought I was very cutting edge to have the same idea as Cindy Crawford. I'm not one to brag but I suppose some have said that I even look like Cindy Crawford. Of course, some would have to be drunk to say that, but I'm sure it's been said all the same. What a refreshing thought because I am so tired of being confused with Sandra Bullock.

Great news, I have decided to write a book. I have the title (it's a secret) and I have the first line so far. I am just about finished with the outline and then it's off to the races with me! I will keep you posted as to my progress.

My hair is beyond help lately but I have an appointment next week. I have to think of what would be a good style for writing a book as I'm sure I won't have time to be fixing it all the time. I will be too busy "making the magic happen" (that is what I have decided to call my writing process.)

Is it just me or when you're driving and a terrible song comes on do you quick switch it in case you are in a fatal car accident and that would be the last thing you heard? I mean that is a horrible thought. Imagine, right upon impact you hear, I don't know, "You're The Inspiration" by Chicago and then for eternity that's what's going through your mind. Not a nice thought is it?

Halloween, Amy Winehouse And The Class Of '09

First thing's first. Halloween is officially over and I am glad for more than one reason. I no longer have to bear the shame of driving down my street to my undecorated house, the work party (which was in the middle of a very long work week) is over and my costume drama is behind me, well, almost. You'll remember that I told you that 3 of us from work were going as Baltimore Hons and so we did. I was quite pleased with my final "look" and while we all took different spins on the "hon" theme I think all in all we looked terrific. Tina went with the "house coat/knee high stocking" look, Hope went with the "crazy sunglasses/feather boa" look and, as you know, I went into my closet for the "leopard shirt/ black pants" look. In the picture Tina is on the left (those are not her real boobs :), in the middle is our Sheriff and I am on the right. Here is the problem. My friend Shannell was unable to attend the knees up and so I had Emily take some photos of me with the phone and I sent them to her. Her response? " Amy Winehouse?" What??!! Was she kidding me? I quickly sent back that I was in fact a Baltimore Hon and not Amy Winehouse. She (just as quickly) sent back "Where's your crack pipe Amy?" Good grief. Did other people think I was trying to be Amy Winehouse? If they did think that's who I was trying to be did they wonder why? Who in their right mind would try to be that poor, lost, crack addicted soul? Not to mention that during the party I was talking to one of the Police Captains trying to persuade him to find me a job in the PD because I need to be with the people and what an asset I would be to the department. He said he would look into it and call me in a couple weeks but was he just trying to fob me off because he thought I was some kind of nutter that worshiped a crack head?! Did he think that my need to "be with the people" was not so much a testimate to my caring personality but more of way for me to "get my next fix?"I have been burning with embarrassment, in absolute flames about it. Next year, whether he likes it or not, Jim and I are going as the spider and her web.

I'm putting all of it behind me as there is nothing to do now but damage control. I don't think I will be able to hear the song"Rehab" without turning red for a long time.

Senior year is upon us with Daniel and can I just tell you something? If you have a child in the lower grades now is the time to start saving for this expensive undertaking. Do they make it this way so that you are used to shelling out disgusting amounts of money and won't be so shocked when college starts? Announcements, gowns, thank you notes and the like are threatening to bankrupt us. The cherry on the sundae has got to be the bank breaking "senior pictures." Now, I have 3 children and have been purchasing school photos for 14 years now and generally that means a check for $25 and family and friends are treated to a photo of my gorgeous offspring. Not senior pictures. I think "senior" means "ridiculously expensive" in some other language. Mallory's senior pictures set us back approx. $500 and I am sure I can expect the same from Daniel's. I'm not sure if I'm buying photos or setting up a portfolio for an aspiring model. Well times are tough mes amies, and I may have to look at alternate ways to fund this Class of '09 undertaking. Perhaps as an Amy Winehouse impersonator?